I'm going to talk a little bit about a subject that I haven't spoken much of. In being transparent I hope that others will be encouraged. This week I have been forced to slow down. As I've been laying around feeling miserable I decided to put on some music, just close my eyes, listen and be still.
Being in ministry is kinda like being under a big spot light. People are always watching what you do and say. Even years later when I no longer live on the mission field, I know people know who I am and I feel their expectations. It's a unique kind of pressure, a balancing act. As a kid if you didn't go to the bathroom before church started then you were very uncomfortable for a while, which in Peru, could be several hours depending on who was preaching that day. I still don't get up from my seat unless it is important. I am constantly thinking about how my actions or words will come across. Do I regret it? Would I change it? No.
Like many people in ministry, we get very good at hiding our true thoughts and feelings and in doing so we don't let others see the pain and struggles we go through. But it is through those struggles and how we deal with them that God can really shine, because I know I'm not strong enough in my own strength. But do those looking at my life see it? Do they see my struggles and tears? Do they know that sometimes I cry out to God asking why? And most of all do they know those feelings are okay or do they think they are the only one's who struggle? Do they feel they are not "good enough, strong enough" whatever because they are struggling and you aren't?
There have been several times when my life has been altered and my faith trembled. My world shattered on August 23, 2010. My family was changed forever. I started grad school early that Monday morning a little scared (okay, a lot scared) but also excited. My friend Jen was sitting next to me in the lecture hall and we were talking, waiting for the next section to start when my phone vibrated. I glanced down and saw it was mom. Now this is nothing unusual since we talk all the time but she knows what today is and that I am at school so I went ahead and answered. She told me that she had taken my dad to the hospital that morning because he was dizzy and not feeling well and they were working him up to see if he had had another heart attack. I tried to stay at school and focus because orientation was important and mom said they were just waiting. I mean the doctors and nurses can handle it, God can handle it right? So why I am I upset and generally freaking out just a little with all the possibilities running through my mind. Mom is describing his symptoms and I'm thinking "It sounds like he's stroking why are they looking at his heart and not his head?" But I'm not an adult person, I take care of kids. I'm very good at that but adults? Uhh, no thanks! I'll leave them to Jen, wait Jen! She's right there so I run everything I know past her, we have a pow wow and then the dean who was sitting behind us asked me what I was waiting for. Given permission I drove the speed limit (okay, well I didn't drive any faster than I normally do) to the hospital. Fast forward to that afternoon - the diagnosis - Stroke! For the next five weeks I was there as much as possible, spending the night several times so that mom could go home and get some sleep. My family came together as we often do, prayed, made a plan and tackled it. I cried and tried to understand why. Why MY family? We served God for years on the field, then came to the US and served here? People came to visit and offered encouragement like "God is here", "This is in His plan", and "Everything will work out". Do I believe all this, yeah I do, but sometimes in the mist of the trials in life I don't feel like it is going to be okay. It was my life falling apart, not theirs. It was my hero who might never walk, talk, and swallow again. I was running on empty. I didn't have the answers. I prayed with all my heart that he would get better. Can I honestly say that I was okay with his answer being no? No I wasn't okay with that. At least not at first. It took a while for me to be able to pray what became my constant prayer "Lord, I want him to get better but I trust you enough to let you be God. Give me the strength to face whatever may come."
God speaks if we will only take time to stop and listen. Being very type A (my family would also argue that I'm a D) I love planning, lists and being in charge. I constantly give things to God, then take them back. I'm guilty of sometimes rushing though my devotion so that I can check that off my list. TAG (time alone with God) - check, breakfast - check, workout - check . . . etc. you get the point. Does that mean that I am less of a believer? That I've failed God? No, it makes me human. It means that I struggle with the same things the rest of you do and I fail myself. But that's the beauty of it. God holds me up when I fall and picks up the pieces when I fail. Today I can look back on all God has brought me through and I am amazed.
Often as christians we cut people down and point our fingers at them, but do we really see them? Do we ask God to open our eye to those who need him? Or are we stumbling blocks for others as they look for a way out. Do our hears break for what breaks Jesus's heart? Do we open up wide our lives, hearts and doors to those who are hurting? Are our hearts led by grace and mercy or by judgement, shame and blame. Sometimes a smile, hug or conversation may make the difference in someone's life. Can we move outside ourselves and truly serve and love others as Jesus did for us? Will we pour into the lives of those around us? Will we let others see us broken and hurting? Or will we hide it all inside and pretend. Over and over again in the bible I see the promise that if I seek the Lord my God I will find Him. Deuteronomy 4:29, Jeremiah 5:1, Jeremiah 29:13, and Luke 11:9 all say it repeatedly. Matthew 7:7 says "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you". My prayer for all of us is that we are continuously asking, seeking and knocking.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Monday, July 16, 2012
Dallas - the last 4 weeks
Many of you have been asking for updates so here goes. I arrived in Dallas, TX 4 weeks ago and have been settling in well. I have a nice apartment just across the street from the Walmart. I've been to said Walmart more times in the last 4 weeks than I had in the last year combined. I started working for the inpatient Pulmonary Medicine service at Children's Medical Center (CMC) - Dallas Campus June 25. I am still on orientation and waiting for all my credentialing to come through. The nurses, therapists, secretaries, and techs on the floor are great and the PA's and PNP's I work with are fabulous. I am currently doing a lot of learning and reading so that I can best take care of these patients.
Mom thinks I should start a comedy routine about some of my experiences here. One of the two stories I am going to share was so frustrating I couldn't help but laugh or cry. I'm choosing to laugh.
To become a true Texan I had to register my car and get a TX drivers license. Easy right? Well, if you live in Cumming, GA then yeah its a cake walk, but here . . .
. . . . . the story begins early on Thursday morning. The drivers license office opens at 0800 so being the early bird I am I decided I would be there at 0730 so that I could be one of the first in line. I had been on-line the night before and filled out the paperwork and printed it as well as gathered all the necessary documentation I would need. I arrived promptly at 0732 and put money in the parking meeter. (Side bar - they let you pay the meeter with credit cards here! GA take notes). So I walk inside and politely ask the police officer who happens to be in the lobby for directions. He is very helpful and I walk to the office where I discover that I am not the only one who thought it would be a great idea to be early. There are about 75 other people already in line. I wait about an hour before it is my turn to step up to the desk and get my number. I get there and the lady tells me "I'm sorry, but you must have your registration completed before you are able to get your drivers license". Okay, no big deal right? Being type A that I am I had googled directions from the drivers license office to the tag office so I get in my car and drive down to the tag office. Once there I discover that my insurance is GA insurance so it doesn't match TX standards. A call to Geico fixes that and off I go to pay the fee and be given my tag. Total time about 1.5 hours. Not bad at all. I then hop in my car, pay the $10 to exit the parking area and drive back to the drivers license office. Once there I again pay the meeter and walk inside. 10 minutes later I get up the the desk to get my number and she says "didn't I tell you that you can't get your drivers license here? We only do renewals" REALLY?!?!? Umm, NO you didn't tell me that! Okay, so now I am praying for patience and calling mom to tell her how inefficient I find TX DMV.
I drive the 30 minutes to this other drivers license place (by the way it is in a shopping center back away from the road and not visible from said road and generally just hard to find). I wait in that line just to be told that I need an original social security card or an official statement from the Social security office that I do indeed have a social security number. So, I google on my phone all the offices and try to determine which is closest to my current location (which by the way, I wasn't even sure where I was to begin with so that was a chore). I found one about 20 minutes away and took off there where I waited in yet another line for a number and then waited my turn all just to get a piece of paper with a stamp on it that shows my name and SS#. I totally could have created that on my own. : ) So, back to the drivers license office with my prized paper via the sonic drive thru to stand in yet another line where I find out the current wait time is approximately 4 hours. Yeah, so not happening. I decided to go home and come back in the morning when I'm not quite so tired and grouchy. The next morning I get there about 7:15 and the line extends from the door around 3 sides of the building. All things considered it wasn't a horrible wait and I got my paper drivers license in about 2 hours.
When I got these directions I just looked at them and burst out laughing: (They actually make a lot of sense once you've seen the place)
Directions on getting from my car to our office. I really hope you aren't color blind.
Park in the purple parking deck which is a pretty shade of purple. (really?? I never would have guessed). Ride the elevator that faces the railroad tracks up to the 8th floor. (Note: You can't see the railroad track until you are actually on the elevator) If you end up in the wrong elevator that's okay too. There is a sky walk on the 8th floor that will take you to the other bank of elevators. Get off the elevator and turn right taking the purple sky bridge across to the green building. You will be on the 6th floor now. Take the green elevator down to the 2nd floor and walk across the green sky bridge to the hospital lobby. Follow the corridor around from the D tower to the C tower elevators. Take the elevator to the 7th floor. This is C7. Make the first three right turns and you will be at the door to the office.
Alternate route: Get off the purple elevator on 8 and take the purple sky bridge to the blue sky bridge. You are now in-front of starbucks and on the 4th story of the bright building. Take the corridor down to the elevator and go down to the first floor. Turn left and walk a short distance and you will see another sky bridge on your right. Take it across to the B building. Pass the ER on your left and take the corridor to the right. Walk down the hall and you should be in the C tower. Take the C tower 1 elevators (this is the second set of elevators on your left). Go to the 7th floor and take the first three rights and you will be at the office door.
On another note:
Last week I started boot camp called Camp Gladiator. It is really good and very hard. My goal right now is to show up and finish the class. It will be nice when I can get up the next morning without having to roll out of bed because I am so sore.
I have been visiting several churches looking for a home church. There are so many great churches in Dallas! I have been attending a singles group Sunday nights called AEffect. I've actually really enjoyed it. They start with worship, followed by a message and then round table discussion and food.
I've met some pretty great people and have started building relationships here in Dallas. I've met several MK's from different areas of the world. A couple of them are from Bolivia and Peru and they are as excited as I am to know that there are Peruvian restaurants in Dallas. I don't know yet how God is going to use me here in Dallas but I believe he put me here for a reason and I can't wait to continue to be used by Him.
I'm switching from e-mail to a blog. I want to use this blog to share what God is doing in my life as well as praises and prayer requests. Feel free to send me your praises and prayer requests too.
Praises:
I have been able to hang out with some singles from church and am starting to make some friends.
Saturday at a singles event I met a really awesome lady. Not only does she understand how sore I am from working out then trying to ski since she is the same boat (although she skied better than I did) but she invited me to sit with her at church Sunday and then to go to lunch with them. Best of all, I got my first real hug in weeks! (This is a huge answer to prayer cause I prayed that morning for God to bring me a hug)
Prayer Requests:
That I continue to make friends here in Dallas and settle in.
That God will use me for His glory.
That I am able to find a small group and church home.
That I will be able to let Jesus shine through me at work so that others might know Him.
Mom thinks I should start a comedy routine about some of my experiences here. One of the two stories I am going to share was so frustrating I couldn't help but laugh or cry. I'm choosing to laugh.
To become a true Texan I had to register my car and get a TX drivers license. Easy right? Well, if you live in Cumming, GA then yeah its a cake walk, but here . . .
. . . . . the story begins early on Thursday morning. The drivers license office opens at 0800 so being the early bird I am I decided I would be there at 0730 so that I could be one of the first in line. I had been on-line the night before and filled out the paperwork and printed it as well as gathered all the necessary documentation I would need. I arrived promptly at 0732 and put money in the parking meeter. (Side bar - they let you pay the meeter with credit cards here! GA take notes). So I walk inside and politely ask the police officer who happens to be in the lobby for directions. He is very helpful and I walk to the office where I discover that I am not the only one who thought it would be a great idea to be early. There are about 75 other people already in line. I wait about an hour before it is my turn to step up to the desk and get my number. I get there and the lady tells me "I'm sorry, but you must have your registration completed before you are able to get your drivers license". Okay, no big deal right? Being type A that I am I had googled directions from the drivers license office to the tag office so I get in my car and drive down to the tag office. Once there I discover that my insurance is GA insurance so it doesn't match TX standards. A call to Geico fixes that and off I go to pay the fee and be given my tag. Total time about 1.5 hours. Not bad at all. I then hop in my car, pay the $10 to exit the parking area and drive back to the drivers license office. Once there I again pay the meeter and walk inside. 10 minutes later I get up the the desk to get my number and she says "didn't I tell you that you can't get your drivers license here? We only do renewals" REALLY?!?!? Umm, NO you didn't tell me that! Okay, so now I am praying for patience and calling mom to tell her how inefficient I find TX DMV.
I drive the 30 minutes to this other drivers license place (by the way it is in a shopping center back away from the road and not visible from said road and generally just hard to find). I wait in that line just to be told that I need an original social security card or an official statement from the Social security office that I do indeed have a social security number. So, I google on my phone all the offices and try to determine which is closest to my current location (which by the way, I wasn't even sure where I was to begin with so that was a chore). I found one about 20 minutes away and took off there where I waited in yet another line for a number and then waited my turn all just to get a piece of paper with a stamp on it that shows my name and SS#. I totally could have created that on my own. : ) So, back to the drivers license office with my prized paper via the sonic drive thru to stand in yet another line where I find out the current wait time is approximately 4 hours. Yeah, so not happening. I decided to go home and come back in the morning when I'm not quite so tired and grouchy. The next morning I get there about 7:15 and the line extends from the door around 3 sides of the building. All things considered it wasn't a horrible wait and I got my paper drivers license in about 2 hours.
When I got these directions I just looked at them and burst out laughing: (They actually make a lot of sense once you've seen the place)
Directions on getting from my car to our office. I really hope you aren't color blind.
Park in the purple parking deck which is a pretty shade of purple. (really?? I never would have guessed). Ride the elevator that faces the railroad tracks up to the 8th floor. (Note: You can't see the railroad track until you are actually on the elevator) If you end up in the wrong elevator that's okay too. There is a sky walk on the 8th floor that will take you to the other bank of elevators. Get off the elevator and turn right taking the purple sky bridge across to the green building. You will be on the 6th floor now. Take the green elevator down to the 2nd floor and walk across the green sky bridge to the hospital lobby. Follow the corridor around from the D tower to the C tower elevators. Take the elevator to the 7th floor. This is C7. Make the first three right turns and you will be at the door to the office.
Alternate route: Get off the purple elevator on 8 and take the purple sky bridge to the blue sky bridge. You are now in-front of starbucks and on the 4th story of the bright building. Take the corridor down to the elevator and go down to the first floor. Turn left and walk a short distance and you will see another sky bridge on your right. Take it across to the B building. Pass the ER on your left and take the corridor to the right. Walk down the hall and you should be in the C tower. Take the C tower 1 elevators (this is the second set of elevators on your left). Go to the 7th floor and take the first three rights and you will be at the office door.
On another note:
Last week I started boot camp called Camp Gladiator. It is really good and very hard. My goal right now is to show up and finish the class. It will be nice when I can get up the next morning without having to roll out of bed because I am so sore.
I have been visiting several churches looking for a home church. There are so many great churches in Dallas! I have been attending a singles group Sunday nights called AEffect. I've actually really enjoyed it. They start with worship, followed by a message and then round table discussion and food.
I've met some pretty great people and have started building relationships here in Dallas. I've met several MK's from different areas of the world. A couple of them are from Bolivia and Peru and they are as excited as I am to know that there are Peruvian restaurants in Dallas. I don't know yet how God is going to use me here in Dallas but I believe he put me here for a reason and I can't wait to continue to be used by Him.
I'm switching from e-mail to a blog. I want to use this blog to share what God is doing in my life as well as praises and prayer requests. Feel free to send me your praises and prayer requests too.
Praises:
I have been able to hang out with some singles from church and am starting to make some friends.
Saturday at a singles event I met a really awesome lady. Not only does she understand how sore I am from working out then trying to ski since she is the same boat (although she skied better than I did) but she invited me to sit with her at church Sunday and then to go to lunch with them. Best of all, I got my first real hug in weeks! (This is a huge answer to prayer cause I prayed that morning for God to bring me a hug)
Prayer Requests:
That I continue to make friends here in Dallas and settle in.
That God will use me for His glory.
That I am able to find a small group and church home.
That I will be able to let Jesus shine through me at work so that others might know Him.
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